Assertiveness: Being assertive - an honest and direct communication without blame. It is a form of communication that is neither manipulative nor aggressive. It is designed to enable both parties to be heard without creating hurt or distress, and leaves the situation open for further discussion. Assertiveness provides the following 'rights':
Everyone has the right to say 'no' without feeling awkward, uncomfortable or guilty. Everyone has the right to change their mind. Everyone has the right to ask questions. Everyone has the right to make mistakes (providing they learn from them). Everyone has the right to ask for help. Everyone has the right to ask for what they want. Everyone has the right to get what they want, need or desire (in ways that do not hard others). Everyone has the right to self esteem, and to feel good about their capabilities, talents, experience, achievements, etc., (providing these do not harm others).
Use the word 'I', to own your thoughts and expressions rather than use the word 'you' which can sound accusatory. Allow differences of opinion and acknowledge that others are entitled to their perspective/side of the situation. Try to solve problems early rather than allow them to fester. Set clear and agreed goals for the relationship, breaking down difficulties into manageable chunks. Express the problem as a question - what does each person want? Get into a good emotional state for discussions. If you are not in a calm and open emotional state for conversation, wait until you are!
Don’t dwell on unresolvable conflicts. Avoid blame and stay positive and non judgmental. Make written plans with commitments. Establish a road map for simple and comfortable outcomes. Be responsible for the creation of a loving, non critical relationship. No one person can do this on their own, it takes two. Create mutually satisfying time together. Do you need further skills?
Article by Wendy Stokes https://Wendystokes.co.uk
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