The Work! I heard this expression from Gurdjieff and others, but Byron Katie has her own take on it with questions! Katie was so depressed she couldn’t get up and felt she didn’t exist any more. She asks of your self judgment statements, is it true? Can you absolutely know it is true? How do you react when you think this thought? How would you be without this thought?
1. Who angers, saddens, frightens, or disappoints you? What is it about them that you didn't or don't still like?
Eg., I am angry at them because they gamble all our money, saddened because they are worth more than a dradful life of gambling debts, frightened because of their anger and aggression, confused because I work hard and have nothing to show for it. (Name) doesn't listen to me. I am angry because he/she doesn't appreciate me. I'm angry because he/she doesn't care about my health. I don't like him/her because he/she argues all the time. I'm saddened due to his/hergambling debts
2. How do you want them to change? What do you want them to do?
Eg., I want (name) to give me full attention when I speak. I want to feel loved and have full consideration to how I fel. He/she should stop smoking. He/she ignores me. I am criticised for things that I am doing my best to cope with.
3. What is it that they should or shouldn't do, be, think or feel?
Eg., (Name) shouldn't avoid me, should stop ignoring me and stop criticising me.
4. Do you need anything from this person? What do they need to do or give you?
Eg., I need (name) to listen to me. Stop lying to me. Share more real and honest feelings and be emotionally stable and available. I want them to be gentle, kind and patient.
5. What do you think of this person? Make a list.
Eg., (name) is dishonest, reckless, childish, selfish, avoids usual rules and boundaries and is irresponsbile and infantile.
6. What is it that you want to never do again?
Eg., I don't ever want to live with this person (name) ever again unless he/she changes. I refuse to see this person ruin their health, lose all our money, and keep arguing with me over things that need to change.
Extract from the book "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie.
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