TA was developed by Eric Berne and is easy to understand. It helps us to identify feelings and behaviour by a description of the personality ego states that we move through: these are called ‘transactions’. Parent Adult and Child states are further divided into healthy and unhealthy expressions. TA explains how we set up relationships, called ‘games’. We have ‘pay-offs’ for these, which are based on early programming called ‘scripts’. ‘Strokes’ are conveyed by words, looks and touch, and positive ones give the other person a sense of joy and wellbeing. We need good ‘strokes’ to grow and be happy. We all have stroking patterns and can receive and give strokes. When we are limited or stuck in defeating ourselves in failed relationships, we can improve them through this easy identification of where we are going wrong.
Clues to ego states:
Controlling Parent: should, must, always, ridiculous, being critical, condescending, disgusted, firm, pointing finger, frowning, angry, posture hands on hips, attitude judgemental, moralistic, authoritarian.
Nurturing Parent: good, nice, I love you, splendid. Loving, comforting, concerned. Accepting, smiling. Leaning forward, understanding, caring and giving.
Adult: correct, how, what, why, practical, quantity, balanced, precise, even. Thoughtful, alert, open posture, direct, interested, observant and evaluative.
Adapted Child: Can’t, won’t, hoping, pleasing, thank you. Defiant, placating, demanding, innocent. Collapsed posture, closed and tight, demanding, compliant and ashamed.
Free Child: fun, want, high, free, loud, energetic, happy, uninhibited, loose, spontaneous, easy, relaxed, agile, curious, fun loving, changeable.
By Wendy Stokes https://Wendystokes.co.uk
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